That Step Family

A blended family.

I'm talking, her kids, his kids, our kids...

Nevertheless. A blended family.

We come together, as a family of 6. Yes, you read right.

He has 2, I have 2. We have 3 that still live at home. #BoyMom status.

Being a step mom is hard. Being a step dad is hard. Being a parent raising kids, is hard.

Choose your hard.

I'm not an expert. I'm just a mom, and a step mom, who's married to someone who's a dad, and also a step dad. I have a little experience is all.

Let me tell you how much experience I have...

Please read me right when I write ::These are MY views, MY personal opinions, and MY very real life exposure to everything you are about to read. I say that disclaimer, because if you are person who is easily offended, stop reading now::

If you are still with me, lets go down the yellow brick road shall we?

Divorce is messy. It is a sad ordeal that isn't designed by God, at all. But sometimes, it is unavoidable.
Looking back at my first marriage, I'm sorry for many things I did wrong. I cannot go back and I cannot change them, but I can forgive myself (and him) and move on, and forgive and move on I did.
Statistics show, approx 5 years after a split (divorce with minor children that is) you will be back in court.

That statistic proved correct.

This is the first time I've talked about this to anyone who isn't close to me, so if you used to be my in law, this is now your 2nd warning about my written disclaimer--but, if I was a guessing person, I'd guess you too are still reading, because now you are even more intrigued. That's totally okay by the way.

I have nothing bad to say about my ex husband. I really don't.  I don't like everything he does, or says... but I'm sure that goes both ways.
He is remarried just as I am.

I can only describe the events as this:
   They took us through coals of what would be, left over from a large bond fire. Coals that you would rake dirt over to try to permanently put them out. (does that sound harsh? Good, it was a horrible time in our lives)
2012 began well, then took a viral spin down a narrow rabbit hole.
From discovery files, to financials, to a victim of being hacked through my personal emails for 3 plus years.

It was a horrible mess that would become our message.

And while I never want to go through the very short cliff note version I just gave you, I am grateful.
What?
Yes, grateful.
We grew in our Faith, we held God's hand, we learned true forgiveness.
As if God didn't show us enough already, He showed us how we could help others going through similar trails.
Amazing isn't He?

Through our 9 months of custody battle that both my husband and I were going through, at the same time. Yes, read that-correctly, his ex wife, my ex husband both took us to court, at. the. same. time.
We learned how to parent better. We learned being a step parent meant backing each other up.
We went through groups at church, we met others who went through similar situations , and more importantly, we realized we weren't alone.

It's amazing to look back and see, Hope. We didn't see it while we were in it, we merely relied on what we knew.

The myth that is... "the child is 12 years old and can choose where he/she wants to live" is a loaded statement and is probably intended for those who, intend to do something about the arrangements, very soon.
Let me inform you. A 12 year old gives the child the ability to be heard, not the right to decide. (there is $15,671 worth of advice... you. are. welcome.)
Let me tell you again. The minor child cannot choose to live with mom or dad.... but they can be heard by the judge.
The judge will do what's best for the child. Period. The end.
In our case, Seth, Kaden and Dylan all stayed in joint custody.
Fifteen thousand dollars plus later, we kept joint custody. (Did I mention we're still paying off the last thousand?)

I'm not bitter. I'm not angry. I'm not hurt. I've forgiven both ex spouses. Because thanks to them, and the mess they brought us through, God gave us a huge message we now share with others, including a Life group in our church we lead.

God is so good.

I now have full custody of our boys, in the best interest of our boys.
I pray for their dad, and his wife, daily. Because we pray for those who've hurt us.
All our laundry doesn't need to be hung out to dry, but those close to us know the details of what we went through then, and a year ago.
You know what though, we're okay. We're actually better than Okay.

I share this story because I know others who are in the step family dynamic. It's hard. But so is being a parent. So is starting a new workout. So is staying consistent. So is taking a hard exam that determines your career future.
Choose your hard, but remember when you do, our God is walking through it with you, lean on Him.
He holds your hand, He is in your heart. He is there through all the tears, all the court papers, all the heavy chest anxiety, all the expense.

Be brave. Lift your head up high and remember you wear a body armor of Jesus!

I'd love to connect with you on a personal level, if you need prayer, if you need a shoulder, if you need recommendations for a good attorney. God sent me here, for you.

xo.
Misty