The good, the bad and a letter.
Being a parent is a blessing.
Anytime in this post that you think I've forgotten that point, please read that top line again. Because trust me, it's a daily reminder while in the grind of everyone surviving the teen years in our home.
Another disclaimer, if you aren't a parent of a teen, you have no room to judge.
If you aren't a parent at all, you can find pure humor in it all, and still have no room to judge.
Let's begin.
So, why the disclaimers Misty? Well... I'm glad you were wondering.
Because there are so many people out there who are quick to point fingers, and fast to think "oh she shouldn't be a parent then". It's funny to me. Because it's all a process, and it's all a learning experience for everyone involved. It's okay to be frustrated as a parent. It's also okay to be a moody teenager. It's not okay to not talk about it... it's not okay to bottle it up inside. So that's the reason for this post, and the reason for the disclaimers, because I truly love being a parent. The good, the bad, and the in between.
Babies are beautiful. They smell amazing, and everything about them is tiny. The lack of sleep should be the first sign of the 18 years to come. Because even as they grow, once again in the teenage years, you lose sleep waiting on them to come home from a football game, a date, a job, or because they have all of a sudden forgot how to tell what time it is.
The raw and real truth of being a parent sums up to say it's "sticky".
From the moments of "I don't want to play with him anymore, he's being mean" to "I told y'all about it 4 weeks ago... the day of"
I feel very confidant in saying if we make it through the teenage years, we've survived one of the greatest battles of our time.
No it's not a war against another country. It's a war within the home. And even in war, there are good times. Times called bonding. Taking care of one another. Just sitting in silence because if you speak first, you lose.
Now let me stir in some extra seasoning that wasn't already there. Divorce.
And now. Re-married.
Rolling right along into what we call a blended family. Now there are "step" kids in the mix.
You have- his, hers and ours.
We in my home have no 'ours' just a Max. He's enough. (Max is a dog)
Step parents. It isn't easy. It is probably harder than being a parent. Why you say? Ohhh always glad you ask.
Because you "fight" the "fight" of being their parent, but also being the sworn enemy. For real.
They have a mom/dad. You aren't it. Yessss... I KNOW. Because if we WERE, you wouldn't be acting this way.
Learning process.
Having a relationship is hard enough with a teenage boy, let alone a teenage step son.
We took a class at our church when we were first married (several since then too) Husband and Wife counselors who were also re-married so they were qualified to give advice. (revert to the 2nd paragraph when you began reading).
They told our group, the age the child is, when you married the other parent, double it. That'll be the age they will finally be okay with it. (Remarriage)
I can't even explain how accurate that has been in our home through the years.
Doesn't mean it isn't a struggle still. But it does mean they've finally all excepted we're married and in it for the long haul. (with the exception of the oldest, we put her at accepting age of 28. We've still got some years to go).
Sometimes after you boys are all asleep I go in and I kiss you all 3 on your foreheads. I know you don't know that, because if you did you'd probably make sure the covers were over your head. And I wouldn't take offense, just so you know. Because I know you are 16. But just know, I do love you. I do care. And I want nothing more than a relationship.
Now that I have tears flowing. I will stop writing this.
I know my boys may never read this. And I also know that others will who I may not have thought would...such as people who are no longer steady in my life.
So my statement to you, is know that my home is happy. My home is filled with love, life and Jesus.
These boys are my whole world, through the arguments in these teenage years, to the frustrations of teaching them right from wrong and never getting the 'right' right.
Being a parent is a blessing.
Being a parent who survives the teenage years is a true miracle.
xo-
Mom
Anytime in this post that you think I've forgotten that point, please read that top line again. Because trust me, it's a daily reminder while in the grind of everyone surviving the teen years in our home.
Another disclaimer, if you aren't a parent of a teen, you have no room to judge.
If you aren't a parent at all, you can find pure humor in it all, and still have no room to judge.
Let's begin.
So, why the disclaimers Misty? Well... I'm glad you were wondering.
Because there are so many people out there who are quick to point fingers, and fast to think "oh she shouldn't be a parent then". It's funny to me. Because it's all a process, and it's all a learning experience for everyone involved. It's okay to be frustrated as a parent. It's also okay to be a moody teenager. It's not okay to not talk about it... it's not okay to bottle it up inside. So that's the reason for this post, and the reason for the disclaimers, because I truly love being a parent. The good, the bad, and the in between.
Babies are beautiful. They smell amazing, and everything about them is tiny. The lack of sleep should be the first sign of the 18 years to come. Because even as they grow, once again in the teenage years, you lose sleep waiting on them to come home from a football game, a date, a job, or because they have all of a sudden forgot how to tell what time it is.
The raw and real truth of being a parent sums up to say it's "sticky".
From the moments of "I don't want to play with him anymore, he's being mean" to "I told y'all about it 4 weeks ago... the day of"
I feel very confidant in saying if we make it through the teenage years, we've survived one of the greatest battles of our time.
No it's not a war against another country. It's a war within the home. And even in war, there are good times. Times called bonding. Taking care of one another. Just sitting in silence because if you speak first, you lose.
Now let me stir in some extra seasoning that wasn't already there. Divorce.
And now. Re-married.
Rolling right along into what we call a blended family. Now there are "step" kids in the mix.
You have- his, hers and ours.
We in my home have no 'ours' just a Max. He's enough. (Max is a dog)
Step parents. It isn't easy. It is probably harder than being a parent. Why you say? Ohhh always glad you ask.
Because you "fight" the "fight" of being their parent, but also being the sworn enemy. For real.
They have a mom/dad. You aren't it. Yessss... I KNOW. Because if we WERE, you wouldn't be acting this way.
Learning process.
Having a relationship is hard enough with a teenage boy, let alone a teenage step son.
We took a class at our church when we were first married (several since then too) Husband and Wife counselors who were also re-married so they were qualified to give advice. (revert to the 2nd paragraph when you began reading).
They told our group, the age the child is, when you married the other parent, double it. That'll be the age they will finally be okay with it. (Remarriage)
I can't even explain how accurate that has been in our home through the years.
Doesn't mean it isn't a struggle still. But it does mean they've finally all excepted we're married and in it for the long haul. (with the exception of the oldest, we put her at accepting age of 28. We've still got some years to go).
::A letter to my step children::
First of all, I don't like the word 'step' kids. It already sounds mean, as if I'd step on you.
Although there are times, I think that would be beneficial with the way you treat me, I know that isn't the answer.
My prayer for you is to know that I love you both with all my heart. When I married your father, I married you guys too. I took him for better or for worse, and I took you two for that too. I took a covenant to your father for our marriage, and our family as a whole.
It hurts my heart that you don't have a bond with me. But the few times it's just us, is some of the best memories of your childhood for me, that I'll cherish forever. I know I'm not your mom, you don't have to remind me. I don't want to be your mom, because I think my role is equally as important, because I choose to love you. I don't always like you, but I will always love you.
One day you'll have a family of your own, and one day you will understand how hard it is to just be a parent, let alone a step parent. And you may never apologize, but I'll know. I'll know because God's already made it right.
My boys are never more important than you are. They are just as much apart of my heart as you are. We'll always have a different bond than they do with me, because the first 8 years of his life, he had only me. I raised my boys to say "I love you" at the end of every call, door close and just random times. But just because I've never heard you say it, doesn't mean I don't think you do. Because I think I'm just as guilty, I should tell you more, even when I know it won't be said in return.
Sometimes after you boys are all asleep I go in and I kiss you all 3 on your foreheads. I know you don't know that, because if you did you'd probably make sure the covers were over your head. And I wouldn't take offense, just so you know. Because I know you are 16. But just know, I do love you. I do care. And I want nothing more than a relationship.
::A letter to my children::
Just because there are other children in the home doesn't mean I love you any less.
There may always be a power struggle for my attention now. And I understand that. Please know the job of being a parent isn't easy. And to add children who weren't there before, makes things even more interesting for sure. You both are my life line. And when I took my marriage vows to blend our family, you were in my forefront to know you would adjust.
You see one day you and your brother will move out. And I will cry. All the times I scratch your back before you go to bed, all the times I tell you I love you. All the times you have to call me and check in, I will greatly miss those 'inconvient' times I could barely answer the phone because I was doing other things. My prayer is, I raised you right, to love and respect women. I raised you to know Jesus. I raised you to know that even in the storms we faced, you boys are strong, and you will succeed in this world.
Now that I have tears flowing. I will stop writing this.
I know my boys may never read this. And I also know that others will who I may not have thought would...such as people who are no longer steady in my life.
So my statement to you, is know that my home is happy. My home is filled with love, life and Jesus.
These boys are my whole world, through the arguments in these teenage years, to the frustrations of teaching them right from wrong and never getting the 'right' right.
Being a parent is a blessing.
Being a parent who survives the teenage years is a true miracle.
xo-
Mom
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